Airstrip One

Who's Kidnapped Conrad?

Britons, Americans and other inhabitants of the Anglosphere - I have some grave news to report. Conrad Black is missing, presumed kidnapped. The only evidence we have for this is the new neglect that is creeping into his flagship publication the Daily Telegraph.

As the "house journal of British Conservatism" the Telegraph would naturally incline to a sensible foreign policy in line with British interests, combining trenchant Euroscepticism with a dislike of fighting wars for the rebel American colonies. Conrad Black rescued the Telegraph from such boring sanity with a dose of a fruit-loop foreign policy, where Britain's interests where all to be sacrificed to America on all important things - and that British imperialism should be reborn in the unimportant areas.

Now we have more and more evidence that the Telegraph is backsliding towards a sensible and realist position. For two days on a row, Wednesday and Thursday there where opinion pieces pouring scorn on a proposed invasion in Iraq. Yesterday this sloppy, patriotic, agenda slipped from the opinion pages into the news pages with such stories as 'Beating Saddam will be no cakewalk' and General warns of unwinnable guerrilla war.

Friends, Conrad would not have allowed this to happen. This can lead to only one conclusion, that he has been kidnapped - possibly by his arch enemy Jean Chretien. If anyone sees Conrad, or his fragrant wife Barbara Amiel, please contact the authorities.

The Anglosphere needs you.

The Fifty-First State Committee